Yes, I said it. No, I’m not deleting this later.
Before y’all start typing “unfollow” — relax.
This is not a cultural attack. This is not me saying these countries are bad. I’ve had incredible experiences in all of them.
But the food?
The food and I were not aligned.
Before we begin, let me establish my credentials to judge food.
I am Jamaican. That’s it
Which means my tastebuds were raised on seasoning that enters a room before the plate does. I’m talking oxtail that falls off the bone, curry goat that changes your personality, brown stew chicken to die for, escovitch snapper with attitude.
In Jamaican households, we don’t “lightly season.” We season til the ancestors tell us to stop. We layer flavors and spices. We marinate overnight. If the food doesn’t taste like someone’s grandmother prayed over it, we don’t want it.
So yes — my palette is biased.
But I’m not picky.
I eat goat. I eat organ meat (I.e. liver). I eat salt fish. I try national dishes everywhere I go. I don’t run to McDonald’s in foreign countries. I give local cuisine a real shot.
And after many stamps in my passport?
Here are the five countries where I was actively fighting for my life at dinner.
Ascending order.
Meaning #1 hurt me the most.
5. 🇨🇼 Curacao & 🇦🇼 Aruba
Beautiful water. Stunning beaches. 10/10 vacation vibes.
But the food? Copy and paste.
Every restaurant felt like the same laminated menu: grilled meat, seafood platter, pasta, fries with mayonnaise.
Nothing was bad. But nothing was memorable either. I ate more fries with mayonnaise than I ever have in my entire life on this trip. When the highlight of your Caribbean trip is French fries… something went wrong. I did, however have a wonderful snapper at this upscale restaurant on the beach, but that was one in a dozen.
4. 🇫🇷 France
I know. I know. Deep breaths!
But hear me out. People don’t go here for the food, they go for the experience.
The vibes? Immaculate.
The architecture? Elite.
The café culture? A whole aesthetic.
But the food did not gag me.
I kept waiting for that “oh my God this changed my life” moment.
It never came.
Everything felt… regular. Like Elevated American food.
Butter. Bread. Repeat.
And here’s my hot take:
I don’t even think the locals are going to cafés for the food. They’re there for coffee, wine, conversation, and existential reflection.
Which is beautiful.
3. 🇵🇹 Portugal
Portugal almost escaped this list.
Almost.
Then I tried Bacalhau (dried and salted cod).
Now, as a Jamaican who grew up eating salt fish, I walked in confident.
Baby. . . No
It wasn’t “flavorful salty.” It was “why is my blood pressure rising” salty. I couldn’t finish it.
And the plot twist?
My best meal in Portugal was a vegan Korean bibimbap bowl from a restaurant called O Gambuzino.
Do with that information what you will.
2. 🇬🇧 United Kingdom
Fish and chips.
Let’s talk about it.
Why are we marketing this as a delicacy?
Yes, it was crispy. Yes, it was golden. But where was the seasoning? Who hid it? Was there a shortage?
They told me to pour vinegar on it.
Vinegar is not a personality. Vinegar is not seasoning.
I wanted herbs. Spice. Something. Anything more than whisper.
1. 🇮🇸 Iceland
The Crown Holder. The Champion. The Undisputed #1.
I tried. I really tried.
Different restaurants. Different foods. Even a regular chicken sandwich was bad.
Everything tasted like it was designed for survival, not enjoyment.
And I get it — harsh climate, preservation methods, limited agriculture.
But my Caribbean tongue was confused. Betrayed. Disoriented.
I don’t travel to survive. I travel to eat.
And Iceland?
You won.
Respectfully.
Final Thoughts (Before Y’all Drag Me)
Food is cultural. Food is personal. Food is subjective. Just because it didn’t hit for me doesn’t mean it won’t hit for you.
But if your idea of seasoning is “add salt at the table,” we are not the same.
Now I want to hear it.
What country’s food did everyone hype up that lowkey disappointed you?
Let’s argue in the comments.
— Robyn
Happy Travels
Iceland going to send you another driving violation ticket for slandering their food lmao